Congress today announced that the office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the
President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion
in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has
incurred during the last 6 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved
to the end of the President's term. "We believe this is a wise
financial move. The cost savings are huge." stated Congressman
Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay." Reynolds noted. Obama
was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations
for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai, India , will assume the office of President as
of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while
his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of
$320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to
handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, he will be working
primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job
at the Dell Computer call center." stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive
interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would
be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the
office of President, this should not be a problem as Obama had never
been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using
these canned responses, he can address common concerns without
having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these
scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "Obama has used them
successfully for years, with the result that some people actually
thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week
waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for
26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Obama has been
provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help
him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime.
A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due
to Obama's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his
special smile.
