a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take
itself too seriously.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the
in-flight "safety lecture"
and announcements a bit more
Here are some real examples that have been
heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you
sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a
hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here,
find a seat and get in it!"
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've
reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the
cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
all of your belongings.
If you're going to leave
anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane."
"Thank you for flying Kulula.
We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban
Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa,
big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments
because, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to
Port Elizabeth.To operate your seat belt, insert the
metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how
to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child
traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one
pick your favorite."
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some
but we'll try to have them fixed before
we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you,
your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in
the event of an emergency water landing,
to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message:
Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the
best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"
On Kulula flight 255 just after a very hard landing in
Cape Town , the flight attendant came on the intercom
and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all
are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault.
It was the asphalt."
On a Kulula flight into Cape Town on a particularly
windy and bumpy day, during the final approach the
Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in
your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than
"We ask you to please remain seated as
Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
airline had a policy which required the first officer to
stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said
that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have
a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old
lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sir, do you mind if
I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the
attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please
remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew
have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared
and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the
door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And,
the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of Kulula Airways."
Heard on a Kulula flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you
wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is
on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
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